Things wasn't doing good since i'm back from USA.
Everything around me it's been like shit and i've been trying to swallow it deep inside
Night n night i just think and cried ... which i do not even wish it to be like that at all!
I don't ask much.. not from work, family , friends or even the one i loved.
But my friend says , it's part of parcel in what we call life and which we have to go through.
Yes , i agreed .
There again it blew away my dreams.

When i was young , i strive and tell myself to live on not for anybody
but myself and why such a small me with this thought?

It's something that happened terribly and cast a shadow in my life on me.
No choice , i have to accept it and do nothing because i'm so young at then.

So , i hope and dream for the day to come when i'm old enough and have the capability to protect myself.
Which turns out , the world is not so "fantasy" as what i dream when i was a little girl.

Being like normal teenagers , we made friends and enemies (lesser) , mistakes.
I get to taste the sweet , bitter , sour and spicy of each and everyone will most likely go through.
I make mistake like anyone does.

Making mistake is always so easy because we are tempted to.
But knowing the shit(mistake) you done and try to overcome and admit it is always so hard.
Only one day , the mistake hit you hard and make you lost something that is important to you only will you be able to wake up from the mistake.

How hurt and pain you are feeling will then tell you how much you treasure it.

Falling in love is always so easy , but getting out of the shit each time is pretty hard for girls.(maybe some guy too)
Letting go and giving in is the worse.
Especially when it comes to a point whereby you put in your 100% n get back nothing it's even unbearable!

A sentence which i think is true
" MAN USE LOVE TO GET SEX , WOMEN USE SEX TO GET LOVE"
Sometimes i ask myself , why most man couldn't get content with one sex partner , instead they want more.
For women who wants more because they want love and attention .

But for men ?

They could say because their partner can't satisfy them , excitement because of boring R/s they having or most of the time , or because he got cheated on and so he did that to get revenge in every girl that came by.
And its no joke. This is what i know and comes from the mouth of my guy friends.
They tell me that because i'm not their sleeping partners.

Sometimes curosity kills , yes it's true .
My curosity lead me to who i am today and how much i know each guy in and out.

Chances given is to make good use of it as chances doesn't come by easily.
Repeating your mistake and don't admit it , when something turns sour , you can only blame yourself
When we do something , before we do it , did we stop and think
if i were to do this , what will be the consequences?

Just like signing up a course or spending all the money in your bank at one go when you know you have not much cash to survive the next few days but you like it very much and will jump down the building if you didn't get what you want and the salesperson keep tempting you like she'll get your fortune when you sign it.

So when you know the outcome but still do it , who to blame when you left nothing ?
Will you be happy? Yes , for that moment of joy and suffer soon to come by.

I gave a chance to every mistake as i know human are not born perfect.
Who don't make mistake? i admit i do even!


It's going to be a long story and experience to share , but it's getting late for me as i have to slog my life at work , it's monday blues!


If you are interested ... stay tune









I just want to say to you if you happen to read it.
I loved you truly and wholeheartly even i fear to.
I never regretted giving us the chance to make this far ..
I only regretted when things turns out this way.

she's 23.
Freelance model
& i'm complicated :D
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